Thursday, November 01, 2007

WHEW! Major Catch-up to do! :)

Hey all you fellow bloggers out there!
So yeah, I am so sorry that I haven't been faithful in writing lately. School has me busy and life in general is crazy.
I have been having a hard time trusting Jesus lately...I have been really lonely too. I mean I have friends at college but they aren't GOOD friends...I have been feeling left behind, alone, and forgotten by God. Well, God is working on the feeling like He has forgotten me. A lot of people are praying for me and I have been having some really good devotional times.
I just wanted to share this entry in my prayer journal with you:

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Dear Heavenly Father,

My heart is just flowing over in praise and adoration and thanksgiving towards You Lord. Yesterday was not a good day. I was hurt, confused, discontent, and (I am sad to say) even angry at You. I felt like You had abandoned me, didn't hear me, and really didn't care to hear me. I was so discontent to be here and I wanted so badly to GET OUT!
I had a long talk with Mom about it. And she told me to start putting my devotions at the start of the day instead of 2 minuetes crammed in the end. She said it would put a whole new perspective to my day. So I did. And what do you know? My devos for the day answered all the questions, doubts, and fears that I had yesterday. I am going to copy it down. It is from the book "My Utmost for His hightest journal" by Oswald Chambers; (It is dated for today Wednesday, October 31, 2007.)

October 31st.





DISCERNMENT OF FAITH



"Faith as a grain of mustard seed. . ." Matthew 17:20

We have the idea that God rewards us for our faith, it may be so in the initial stages; but we do not earn anything by faith, faith brings us into right relationship with God and gives God His opportunity. God has frequently to knock the bottom board out of your experience if you are a saint in order to get you into contact with Himself. God wants you to understand that it is a life of faith, not a life of sentimental enjoyment of His blessings. Your earlier life of faith was narrow and intense, settled around a little sun-spot of experience that had as much of sense as of faith in it, full of light and sweetness; then God withdrew His conscious blessings in order to teach you to walk by faith. You are worth far more to Him now than you were in your days of conscious delight and thrilling testimony.

Faith by its very nature must be tried, and the real trial of faith is not that we find it difficult to trust God, but that God's character has to be cleared in our own minds. Faith in its actual working out has to go through spells of unsyllabled isolation. Never confound the trial of faith with the ordinary discipline of life, much that we call the trial of faith is the inevitable result of being alive. Faith in the Bible is faith in God against everything that contradicts Him - I will remain true to God's character whatever He may do. "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him" - this is the most sublime utterance of faith in the whole of the Bible.


Ok, so yesterday was horrible but today is the last day in a month and is yet another start of a chapter in my journey of faith with You Jesus. Thank You so much Lord and I love You with all my heart. Pls. help me to just continue to walk by faith not by sight. I love You Lord. In Jesus name, Amen


So that was that day and the Lord really did help me. Well, then the night came and I was upset a gain but a lady prayed for me.
Well, this morning I checked my email and there was an email from one of my mentors had wrote me back. I had written her telling her all that had been going on. One of the lines was "just let go" so I wrote a song to Jesus just reafirming that I was resting in Him. Here it is:

"Rest"
Isiah 40:27-31

Lord I am so tired
of trying to walk the walk
I've tried so hard
Lord I am ready to give up
I know that I can change
but I just can't find a way
Lord I am so tired

(Chorus)
Rest in Me
I won't let you down
You just have to learn
to let go
We walk by faith
and not by sight
Oh my child it's gonna be alright.


Here I go again
I've goofed it up once more
but there's a difference I don't think
I can fix what's been torn
God I am Your child
But it just doesn't seem
like I'm living like a daughter of the King
God I'm empty now
can't You show me how
God, I'm tired

(Chorus)
Rest in Me
I won't let you down
You just have to learn
to let go
We walk by faith
and not by sight
Oh my child it's gonna be alright.

Jesus never said a
life lived for Him would be easy
But oh He promised to be with
us every step of the way.
Why can't we trust Him in the darkest days and deepest nights
When it seems so bleak...
God, I'm so tired
And He says:

(Chorus)
Rest in Me
I won't let you down
You just have to learn
to let go
We walk by faith
and not by sight
Oh my child it's gonna be alright.

Oh My child it's gonna be alright.


So yeah, that is what has been going on. Pls still pray hard for me. I would really appreciate it. God is so good though! He is so faithful! Blessings to you all!

1 comment:

madralston said...

Not Fair! You aren't allowed to make me cry and feel guilty for being busy. :') Well ok I guess you can. I hope you had a better day today. Know that I always have you close to my heart even when it's nuts!!