Sunday, March 30, 2008

Catch-up needed!

Hey all you fellow bloggers out there! I am sorry that it has taken so incredibly long for me to write and up-date you on what has been going on in my life. Whenever I had the chance...the words just didn't come out right you know? Anyway, tonight I am going to give it a shot!
SO what has been going on in my life since I last wrote? Hmmm...lots to tell! :) My last post that I! We have met an amazing family! And yeah... SO much has happened since then. God has been working in so many incredibly ways in my life and our families life. It really has happened since He brought the Backlas' into our lives. We have really just bonded-2 lonely families and then all the sudden we had people to be with and has been great. For a while after I decided not to go to BBC I was torn with what I was supposed to do and what I wanted to do. You know me...always wanting to leave and see the world and then get married and settle down and have a family. It just does not seem as though that was what the Lord had in mind though. ANd what do you know? I am still here...with no manly prospects :) That was A LOT to give to Him and it has taken a lot to do it. But the neat thing is that as I give it to HIM...He is giving so much to me :) I mean, yeah, it seems so weird that just having a family that loves each and everyone of us for our own personalities has made such a differece in each of us. We have all been growing sooooo much closer as a family! And Danny! Oh my word! The Lord has done such a work in him. And you would not believe the difference in him since becoming friends with Louis. Louis to him is a brother, mentor, and best friend all in one. THe best thing is that Louis loves Danny for who he is and does not try to change him as so many other people over the years have tried to do. Danny has just bloomed! I mean, he has become so much more sensitive and loving and less annoying. My brother is becoming one of my best friends! How AWESOME is that? It has been so neat watching him grow up physically (Grandpa measured him on the door today and he is 7/8's of an inch shorter than Grandpa Kelley! He is over 6 ft.!) but also watching him grow spiritually. It has been really neat!

SO much has been happening to us girls since knowing the backlas' as well. It is like having another brother and close friend! It is really neat! Louis is becoming one of my closest friends and it is not weird at all! GOd has been teaching me about waiting and yeah, it is just really neat having another little brother. He is one of the sweetest guys I have ever met along with Michelle and Fred...God has just been blessing us!

HIS plans are sooo much better than ours! Even though we are getting really close to the backlas' I will not say that there haven't been some tear-filled nights and alot of uncertainties about what the Lord wants me to do BUT I can tell you one thing...My GOD IS SOOOOO FAITHFUL!

With the whole guy thing...I was really upset and I wrote an old friend and mentor and her reply was this:

"Just think what could happen to your love relationship with Jesus if you turned that desperation for a guy into desperation for HIM!!!!"

WHOA!!! Talk about...just direction and a reminder from the Lord! :) Yeah! I bowled me over and really made me think about it for the 1st time in a really long time. My desperation for a guy to love me was overshadowing my love for the Lord...Got lots to work on! But again, MY GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!!

That is something to think about...that quote...AGAIN:

"Just think what could happen to your love relationship with Jesus if you turned that desperation for a guy into desperation for HIM!!!!"

Love you all! :)

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Influences and some life-altering decisions...

Hey all you fellow bloggers out there!
So how 'bout it? What influence's your life? I have been thinking about that lately and when I honestly admit to myself some stuff that I had been allowing to influence me...I got kinda scared and really convicted!
See, the Lord really has been doing a major work in my heart concerning this...
This year has been really hard just because I have been going to a secular school and getting crazily stressed out and because I was so incredibly walk with the Lord began to fall by the wayside and now I find myself stuggling to regain the innocence and purity and spiritual maturity that I really lost.
These past few weeks though the Lord has really been "knocking on my door". I realized that I had a decision to make. Was I really going to continue living like the world OR was I going to allow the Lord to take control of my life once again?

I had my life all planned out as you all well know:
#1: Get done with GCC
#2: Go to BBC and major in Women's Ministries
#3: Room at BBC with an AMAZING sister in Christ
#4: Get married after meeting a really cute Christian guy at BBC of course
#5: Get out of college
#6: Pay of my 0ver $50,000 dollar debt
#7: Start my girls home
#8: lHave tons of beautiful little babies and raise them to love the Lord

This weekend that all changed. God has a way of taking our plans and then kind of crumpling them up, and taking them away and then REPLACING them with something so much better.
This weekend I went to a youth seminar with my Mennonite friends. And while I was there I really felt the Lord just challenging me to make a deeper commitment to Him and...NOT go to BBC in the fall. I battled it all Sunday evening. How could I NOT go? That was MY future! Everything depended on it! How could He close that door expecially as me and Cynthia ,the girl I was going to room with, were just starting to get really close? So, I went home and sought counsil from Mom and Dad.
One thing that had struck me during that weekend was the freedom of these girls who were not in school to go and serve the Lord in various ministries that did not cost a lot of money. I went home and just started crying as I was talking to Mom. I really knew in my heart of hearts ,that while I still wanted to open the house for girls and have a ministry to them , God for some odd reason (at least it seemed to me) did NOT want me at BBC.
I knew that if I didn't go (oh I used a contraction! My english teacher would have a fit :)) I would be more free to serve the Lord without have debt and loan payments looming over my head. I also knew that I could continue in my ministry with the abused kids youth group and could remain in Tae-Kwon Do.
And my main reason was that I would not be faced with the many temptations of being on my own yet. I know that I will have to face them someday but as a result of this past year I was not sure I could handle it.
So, with the blessing of Mom and Dad I decided to not go to BBC this upcoming fall. Let me tell you it was the hardest decision I had to make. I knew that I wasn't "quitting" because I still have the same goal: Ministry to teenage girls; the difference was that God had a different plan for me to go about it. And let me tell you as SOON as I surrended that to the Lord I just felt this complete and total peace that I had made the right decision just envelope me.
Has it been hard since? You had better believe it! I had to tell my future roomie I would not be going and that just about killed me just because BBC is were I WANTED to be.
Here is an intercept from a letter I wrote her tonight that kind of explains what I have been feeling these past few days:

"I have been thinking and then I just broke down last night and sobbed and was up with MOm till like 12:30. I just had hit the point where i was basicly blaming the Lord for not allowing me to live MY dream (aka: BBC with you and lots of cute boys) I just was so depressed and downspirited i did not know what to do...I mean...yeah it was just really rough.
I know that the Lord has a reason for both of us and a lesson for both of us to learn out of this. Maybe for me it is a test to see if HE is enough for me. IF HE is the 1st thing...not my dreams or anything like that...HE has to be 1st in my life and that is just so hard to grasp right now.
SO don't think that I am not struggling with this situation Cynthia...I wish that I could be at BBC with you and cute guys and great friends instead of here with no friends, no guys (NONE, I am not exagerating, I know NO christian guys), and just wanting out. I have wanted out my whole life and just when I thought I had a way (BBC) He shut that door...I think He is trying to teach me contentment or something!
So yeah pls. do not think that I have not had my share of tears over this (i was sobbing hysterically last night) it is so hard! But as I said before:
HE HAS A REASON!!!! As long as we both just surrender to Him He will show us...what the reason was.
I love you so much girl and that will never change...If we are never roomates here....I am sure we will have a great room in Heaven together!"

I know the Lord has a reason for all this but PLEASE I really do not know what to do or were to do. It seems as though He wants me HERE and don't get me wrong I am excited to see what the Lord has in store. I mean, I still have tkd and once school is out SO much pressure will be gone!
It is just hard because I have always wanted to just GET OUT and SEE THE WORLD. And here I am...all those dreams I had? Right now the one that was dearest to me heart, getting married, does not seem possible as I know NO christian guys (and I am not exagerating! Me and my 2 sisters and 1 brother are the ONLY teenagers at my church). I guess for me each day has become a time to just totally surrender.
So question (and pls. comment I will comment back to you) What influences are you allowing into your life? We live (as a whole the American church) such cushy christian lives with one foot in the church and then one in the world. THe movies and clothes and books and music...That is what the Lord has been challenging me on lately. Are you up for a challenge? Something to really think about...
Pls. Pray for me...and if you have an overabundance of cute christian guys send some over to Western NY! LOL :)
Blessing to you all!

Ps: if you have any advice or ideas or know of somewhere that needs some people to come help minister to teen girls pls. let me know by contacting me at

Sunday, March 02, 2008

The Greatest Weapon in the World:

Hey all you fellow bloggers out there!
So I spent some time with the B's youth group today and we were talking about the words that we say and how they can hurt people and how they are so powerful. Wow! Talk about convicting...I think that it is hard because so often we as Christians really do not think about the words that come out of our mouth even jokingly.
I mean, how often do you say things like "You are so stupid." or "You are such an idiot." Or other stuff like that and do not stop and think about the consequences that one phrase could have on someone.
I don't know about you but I think that the Lord really wants us to learn to watch the words that we say to others even if it is only meant in jest. We need to remember that we are reflections of God Himself. So here is a question I have been asking myself: When people look at me, who or what do they see? Who do I reflect? Who do you reflect?
Also today I was just reminded again about just the importance of family. One of the youth group girls was sharing about how her Dad will say "I love you." to her sister but not to her. And how she told him that the only thing she wanted for Christmas was for him to come to her christmas concert but he said he was not and that they are soo stupid and ended up not going. SHe is so desperate for her Dad's just breaks my heart. It is to girls like this that come from sad and broken homes that I wish to minister too. Anyway, I just was struck anew by how blessed I am to have a Dad who tells me multiple times a day that he loves me and shows it to me daily...I am really blessed!
Please pray that I would be able to minister to more girls like her...
Blessings to you all!